Our Girl P

Sometimes I miss that naive girl!  The one who believed, at face value.  She was not yet hardened by life, trust was blindly given.  There was a hopefulness about her, beaming sunshine and roses from her pores.  So innocent to the wiles of the world.  Love one another.  Peace and Harmony.  Let's just all get along!
Pollyanna.  Puke!

Life has totally changed that for our girl, P.  People have changed that. The harsh reality set in  that the world isn't all that wonderful a place, not when it's full of people who lie, cheat, steal, stab you in the back, while looking you in the eye claiming friendship.  And you know it's really hard to do, stab someone in the back and look you in the eye!!   But it happens!

Harsh lessons were learned along the way about Christians.  Raised a good Catholic girl, our girl P now avoids church, but maintains a relationship with God.  The hypocrisy of the church and it's people, behaving in all sorts on unchristian-like behaviors during the week, but feeling absolved for putting in their 2 hours on Sunday, was too much for P to understand.  Who are we to judge others, stone them, and then claim to be Christ-like?  Is forgiveness conditional, based on whether it is self serving or not?  Is there no understanding?  Unconditional love.

P's blind trust was dissolved.  She clearly learned that people were not to be trusted.   Her high hopes and expectations plummeted.   The world was self-serving place, and Pollyanna is one in a hundred million.  Well, she was, but, not anymore.  Beaten down, slapped in the face, used, hurt, illusions shattered, Pollyanna is now asking herself the question:

If you can beat them, join them?

Will our Pollyanna hold on to any of her 'purity', or will she allow the poison to take hold?

Getting Old Sucks--Wattle Wattle

I had just finished a nice, relaxing bubble bath--went on a few more adventures with Perseus Jackson.  I'm up to the Titan Lord.  I love this series, btw.  Just another way I'm trying to hang onto to my youth..... 

In front of the mirror I sat at my dressing table, lovingly smoothing the Olay on my face, "Wrinkles begone,"  I silently chanted to myself, "wrinkles begone."  Upward and around, in a circular motion--per instructions-I massaged the liquid gold into my face.

I leaned in for a closer look--seems age is effecting my eyes as well--when I noticed the most peculiar concern.  Even though I had just gotten out of the bath, thinking I had washed myself rather well, I noticed a faint darkish area on my neck, just beneath my chin, about 2-3 inches across

Huh!

I lift the chin in an attempt to rub away the 'dirt', but, it kinda goes away.  Lower the chin.....there is is again.
I lower my chin, giving a straight-forward look into the mirror.  To my horror....I had..... a wattle...... in progress.  A WATTLE!!!  And I am not a turkey!! 

What the......??? C'mon, I'm only just now accepting those fine lines around my eyes, and then hit with the whole knee thing just not too long ago.  Really.  What the.......???

Honestly, I'll admit I've notice this 'wattle' in recent pictures of myself, but thus far convinced myself it was a trick of the light, or just a bad angle.  <sigh>   No denying it now that I've looked real close at it!  Baby Wattle.

Immediately I start doing those chin/neck exercises...flex those muscles, tone that turkey neck sister!  Hey, I can do those and kegels at the same time.  Cool!  ;-)

Maybe I've been neglecting my neck?  Maybe it hasn't gotten it's face share of Olay? From then..and now...and ever more into the future, I will slather, frantically, my Night of Olay Firming Cream, a Christmas gift from my best friend.   I can only imagine what I would like if I didn't have my facial nectar.  Talk about some horror!!  Because I have and do notice results with Olay.  It does improve the look of skin.  <There's my shameless product plug!>

Between those chin exercises and more Olay, maybe I can stave off that waddle for a couple more years??  Please!!!  I just don't want an old wattle hanging from my neck.  At least not yet!  Is that too much to ask?  I really need more time!

Lemme' just say it again?  At least one hundred thousand more times?  Getting Old Sucks!!

Sanctuary for the Left Behind

I tell on myself quite a bit, especially if it's good for a laugh.  I like laughter and like to make people laugh!  So I'm going to tell on myself here.  But let's keep a little tongue in cheek....

Here Goes....I hope you laugh....

I think Barack Obama is the Anti-Christ.  Call me what you will, but I've read the "Left Behind" series, and I find our current president  to resemble the anti-Christ in oh so many ways.   I know, I know, the "Left Behind" series is fiction, based on the prophecy of Revelations.  I'm a logical person, I understand fiction.  I'm not totally insane.  Ok?  But still, reading that series, reading Revelation and witnessing what is currently going on in our world....it really makes you wonder!!!


Months ago, as I was driving to my dear friends house, I noticed a sign in one her of neighbor's yard. 

It read:  SANCTUARY FOR THE LEFT BEHIND.

My heart leapt a little.  I thought....I have a place to go if the Rapture really does occur.  'Cuz I sure know I'm not going to be taken.  I'm not that good!!  I'm going to be a God Warrior, left behind to fight the fight, pay my dues.  But now....I have a safe haven--The Sanctuary for the Left Behind--the place to meet up with other God Warriors.  Rally!!  I felt oddly comforted.

I passed the sign many times--Sanctuary for the Left Behind--and always felt that odd comfort!  The safe place....my sanctuary!!  Finally, one day, I mentioned to my dear friend that it was kinda nice for her to have the Sanctuary so close. She was puzzled.  The Sanctuary?  I told her about the sign in the neighbors yard, surely she had seen it--Sanctuary for the Left Behind.

She laughed and laughed,  and then laughed some more, almost to my offense, until she was finally able to tell me-- the place was actually a shelter for dogs of GI's who were sent overseas--for dogs who were left behind.    Ohhhhh........uh.........DUH!!!!!  I felt like an idiot! 

Naturally I share this story with my mother.  I want to remind her of what an intelligent woman she's raised!  ;-)  We have a good laugh.  I then lament about how.....now...... I no longer have my rapturous haven.  Where would I go now?  My mother, with her infinite wisdom, always able to cheer my soul, assured me I could still go to the Sanctuary for the Left Behind.......because I was.....after all......... a bitch.

 I love my Mom!!

Getting Old Suck--It's a Stampede

Okay...who let the elephant in my house?  It certainly looks like an elephant ankle, the three folds hanging loosely over the knee, threatening to entirely blanket the knee cap.  I don't think I'm an elephant, so someone must have let an elephant in the house.  That must be what I am seeing, because it certainly cannot be on me.

I should be thankful that they are just folds of flesh, and not flesh burgeoning with dimply fat and stretch marks.  Nope.  I just have three folds of loose saggy skin.....but only when I bend over.  Standing up straight, with a little leg flex, I can still make them disappear.  Woo Hoo!  But bending over...uh...nope...toe touches are not in my future.

Gravity may be inevitable, but that doesn't mean I like it.  I do like that gravity keeps my feet grounded, but couldn't it loosen it's tug on the rest of my body?  More and more things, some that once stood upright and perky, now sag, and droop....closer....and closer to the ground.  As my Mother once told me--She used to have boobs, but now they are her belly.  Greaaaat!  This is what I have to look forward to? 

Mom fills me in on all the gory details of menopause, too.  Forewarned is forearmed, right??   Uh....Whatever!  It all sounds pretty dismal to me! I'd like to skip right to the menopause part, you know, the part when it ends!  I'm in beginning stages of peri-pause right now.  Mom's regaling me with menopause horror stories.  Please!  Just cut my uterus out right now and let's get it over with. 

But that still won't stop the rest--the gravity, the aging.  This getting old business sucks. 

I know I'm not alone in this boat.  My friends...people my age....are all complaining about it.  Our bodies are going to hell in a hand basket, bumping hard the whole way.  Yeah, yeah 40's the new twenty....my ass!  Only if you can afford it!  Botox, nips, tucks.  Expensive creams.  You know what I'm talking about.

I'm relatively fit.  I take care of myself.  Olay is my friend!!  (My niece calls it my 'old lady cream'.)  I fight the fight, but in the end....Gravity wins.  Age sets in.  (sigh)

I'm here to tell you right now, though.....I will not grow old gracefully.  I'll grow old kicking and screaming, loudly complaining, the WHOLE time!

Where Are My Fat Clothes?

It's that time of the year again.....time for Fat Clothes!  It happens every year around this time, without fail.  I'll have worked all summer getting in shape.  That tummy pouch will finally have faded, replaced almost visibly with muscle.  I'll be back down to my "Skinny Clothes"--feeling ever so proud of my bad self!  Then....

It starts out slow.  The workouts fall by the way side because school throws off my routine.  Then I hit the Halloween candy--Sweetarts are my weakness, followed a close second by Snickers.  I'm embarrassed to say that I, uh...gorge on Sweetarts.  And those bite sized Snickers...omg...you could eat a hundred before you even realize it.

But things aren't too bad in the clothing department. The skinny jeans are still fitting, at least stretching out comfortably by the end of the day.  Just a little mini-muffin top.  I can catch this.  I think to myself, girl, you need to crunch!  But I don't.  By now I've lost the mojo.

The Thanksgiving celebrations cantor by--pumpkin pie. My oh my!  Sure I'll have another piece!!  That cute little outfit I've picked to wear isn't quite so comfortable anymore.  Looking in the mirror.....Yep--full blown muffins tops!   Skinny jeans are all day tight.

And still to come??  Christmas!!  Baking!  Cookies!  Lots and lots of good food!! 

Definitely time to drag out the 'fat clothes', boxing the skinny jeans away until my mojo returns in April, when I will, once again, work to shed my winter insulation.

Oh wait....I can't do that.  I have no 'fat clothes'.  On the advice of a friend, I gave them all away. 
"If you don't have them, you won't gain the weight back."

She was WRONG!!  I have no clothes that fit!!

So now I'm faced with an interesting dilemma.  Since I refuse to give up my holiday treats--Spritz, Chocolate Chip Cookies, Hay Stacks, among other things--I am left with only two choices. 

I can either exercise.....or......go shopping.

Hummmm.............

Birds of Hell

Thunk!   Thunk!  Thunk!!

This has become a common sound in our house!  It is the sound of birds flying into our windows.  Now perhaps I could understand this if our windows were the Windex kind of clean.  You know the commercial.  But that is certainly not the case here.  I assure you.

At first it was a little scary.  It began around the time we had our bonfire.  We'd be sitting watching TV and hear a crunching thunk against the window!  We'd all look around at each other with these 'WTH' looks on our faces.  What was going on?  The thunking wasn't limited to just one room.  I'd be dressing in the bedroom and hear it--thunk.  I'd nearly jump out of my skin.   We soon discovered the source.  The dumb birds had gone craazzzzy.  They were crashing into the windows at top speed!

 

I think we may have called up some bad stuff when we had that bonfire.  My husband is a bit of a pyro, always wanting bigger better fires.  This time he burned a mattress, among other discarded furnishings.  He thought it would be cool to watch it burn.  It was very cool.  That mattress went up fast and burned hot!  It was very intriguing to me.



Remains of mattress and chest

 
So intriguing that I ran for my camera and began snapping away.  As I reviewed the pictures, some interesting images jumped out at me.  I saw....faces in the flames.  Frankly, the images scared me, and not long after, I made my husband put out the fire.  My eyes could have been playing tricks on me, but you can decide if you see what I see. 

The Face Within the Flame





This looks like a 'tragedy' mask.





This really captured me--the 'eyes.


 

 And so now.....we have birds crashing into the windows.  I fear that we may have unleashed some evil that has caused the birds to go mad, crashing blindly into the windows.  Are they trying to get in and poke my eyes out?  Or will I walk outside to find sad little bird carcasses littered around the house, bringing plagues and disease?  My little dog ZuZu had already brought me a 'gift' of dead bird.  I hope it wasn't a sacrifice.



Now of course there is some logical reason for the crazy birds.  There has to be!!  My 15 year old son, himself tired of the constant thunks, decided to investigate.!  He discovered that our windows perfectly reflect our neighbors trees.  The birds, obviously misjudging the distance, were mistaking the reflected trees for the real thing.  They don't use the term 'bird brain' for nothing.  So that explains the birds, but not the images that I captured in the fire--that................

I'm going to chalk that up to an overactive imagination.

Where HAS That Food Been?

As my newly 9 year old daughter was getting ready for bed the other night, being the good and conscientious parent that I am, I inquired about her oral hygiene--did she brush her teeth?  I was assured the teeth were brushed.

"What about your tongue?  Did you brush your tongue?"  (I abhor bad breath)

By the blank look on her face, I ascertained that she had not, in fact, brushed her tongue.

"Why do we have to brush our tongue, Mommy?"

"Well...to get any food left on your tongue, germs.  That kind of thing."  I felt that was sufficient.  It was bed time.   I hadn't planned a mini-lesson on oral hygiene.

She thought about it for a second or two.......It seemed she was having an "Ah Ha" moment.........."
"Oh yeah," she exclaimed, "Because you never know where that food has been."

Okay...is she really my daughter????