Getting Old Suck--It's a Stampede

Okay...who let the elephant in my house?  It certainly looks like an elephant ankle, the three folds hanging loosely over the knee, threatening to entirely blanket the knee cap.  I don't think I'm an elephant, so someone must have let an elephant in the house.  That must be what I am seeing, because it certainly cannot be on me.

I should be thankful that they are just folds of flesh, and not flesh burgeoning with dimply fat and stretch marks.  Nope.  I just have three folds of loose saggy skin.....but only when I bend over.  Standing up straight, with a little leg flex, I can still make them disappear.  Woo Hoo!  But bending over...uh...nope...toe touches are not in my future.

Gravity may be inevitable, but that doesn't mean I like it.  I do like that gravity keeps my feet grounded, but couldn't it loosen it's tug on the rest of my body?  More and more things, some that once stood upright and perky, now sag, and droop....closer....and closer to the ground.  As my Mother once told me--She used to have boobs, but now they are her belly.  Greaaaat!  This is what I have to look forward to? 

Mom fills me in on all the gory details of menopause, too.  Forewarned is forearmed, right??   Uh....Whatever!  It all sounds pretty dismal to me! I'd like to skip right to the menopause part, you know, the part when it ends!  I'm in beginning stages of peri-pause right now.  Mom's regaling me with menopause horror stories.  Please!  Just cut my uterus out right now and let's get it over with. 

But that still won't stop the rest--the gravity, the aging.  This getting old business sucks. 

I know I'm not alone in this boat.  My friends...people my age....are all complaining about it.  Our bodies are going to hell in a hand basket, bumping hard the whole way.  Yeah, yeah 40's the new twenty....my ass!  Only if you can afford it!  Botox, nips, tucks.  Expensive creams.  You know what I'm talking about.

I'm relatively fit.  I take care of myself.  Olay is my friend!!  (My niece calls it my 'old lady cream'.)  I fight the fight, but in the end....Gravity wins.  Age sets in.  (sigh)

I'm here to tell you right now, though.....I will not grow old gracefully.  I'll grow old kicking and screaming, loudly complaining, the WHOLE time!