Building a Bridge

So I finally decide to join the bandwagon and start my own blog.  I'm excited.  I choose a blog name, fill out all the required info.  There are a thousand ideas floating around in my head.   I've always enjoyed writing and never seem to be at a loss for words.  It's gonna be good, I think to myself.

My fingers find the keys and words start flowing out of me.  I type and type and type some more.  Then, I stop.  I read what I wrote.  Yeah, I think it's funny--clever even, but I allow my thoughts to go past that, into my world of self doubt.  Well, maybe it's not so great.  Is it stupid?  What are these people who don't know me going to think of this drivel?  Who even cares?  Before I know it, I've backspaced away an hour of my life.  Cut.  Delete. Gone.  I'm left with an empty blog; a blinding white screen before me.  I've beaten myself...again.

I've always been my own worst enemy.  I don't need anyone to shatter my confidence, I'm perfectly capable of doing that on my own.  It's one thing I am good at.    I'm sure it all has to do with those unresolved childhood issues--not feeling as though I fit in, never feeling quite good enough.  blah, blah, blah, blah, blah

Good grief.  I am 40-something years old.  I really need to build a bridge.....and get over it.

So how does one, deep in the throes of mid-life, change the course that has been heavily paved with doubt all these years?   Why is it so difficult to for me to believe in me?    The contributors to my childhood self-doubt are no longer a part of my life.  I surround myself with people who raise me up, people who believe in me, in the hopes of drawing off their positive energies...... mix it up with my own, to create a new, self-confident being.  I employ the same tactic with young people, hoping to suck the youth and vitality right out of them.

So this blog is a start for me-a start to build my own confidence.  I'm just going to write the 'stuff' I like to write--for me.  Then I'm going to tell my people about it--the people who know me, the people who will boost me up.  Then I'm going to send it out into the anonymous cyber world and see what happens.  If all else fails, there's always 'delete'.

Building my bridge, one word at a time.